Comment of the Day: Rejection

Here’s a great comment from Redditor impotent_rage, who responded to these lines from Part 8:

He respected my decision, didn’t try anything, and really just backed off, but without being awkward or rude. I’ve told guys in the past I wasn’t interested, and some got really shitty and offended and couldn’t handle rejection very well. Those guys were childish, and Tim was not. I was impressed. His maturity at handling the situation combined with the fact that he wasn’t chasing me any more made me see him in a different light.

“This right here. I can’t even begin to tell you how important it is, the way you handle rejection. Guys who handle rejection with maturity become instantly more attractive (sometimes to the point that it reverses the rejection). Guys who become, well, not so mature, it makes me so glad that I made the decision to reject them. This includes getting too pouty or sad, or even worse – getting angry or defensive or “sour grapes” about it.

You learn a lot (a lot!) about a guy from how he reacts to rejection. You learn whether he was secretly overly invested in you (which indicates that his value is too low compared to yours), you learn whether he has maturity and self-awareness to be able to handle disappointment and frustration well, you learn whether he is entitled or egotistical. I think that you learn more about a guy when you reject him, than you ever do by dating him. It’s no surprise that rejected guys sometimes go on to get the girl, if they are able to handle rejection with grace and confidence.”

 

Comment of the Day: “Just Being”

Today’s comment of the day comes from Redditor Bhorzo.

“When you distill attraction down to its core, “just being” is what it’s all about. Women are attracted to men who aren’t afraid of “just being” themselves.”

Yes. Absolutely. I’ve tried to convey this same message throughout my posts, but have never been able to do it in two neat sentences. What is the main point of this comment? It’s about having confidence.

Some other examples:

A commenter on OkCupid who read Part 1 said, “I agree with you, except for the “Someone who doesn’t need a lot of validation from others and has a “I don’t give a fuck” attitude.” Some of us, unfortunately, would probably not have any friends at all if we took that attitude, and we’d be pretty unhappy.”

My response: “In my post, “not giving a fuck” is not the same as “being a dick”. If you’re a nice guy, you can still not give a fuck, but you probably won’t offend many people because deep down, you are a nice person. A nice person, for instance, would know better than to tell someone, “You’re only 30? You look twice your age!” That’s being a dick. Not giving a fuck is like a guy thinking “Hmm, yoga looks like fun. I should take a few classes.” Then he does.

Caring too much about what other people think is more like, “Hmm, yoga looks like fun. But isn’t that something mostly girls do? What if people start making fun of me because I’m doing yoga? What if they think I’m a sissy? Ugh, I better not.” In the first case, the guy is confident enough to just do the yoga classes. He doesn’t give a shit what people think of him. The second guy is so wrapped up in his thoughts about what others think, he’s missing out on doing something he wants to.”