Comment of the Day: “Just Being”

Today’s comment of the day comes from Redditor Bhorzo.

“When you distill attraction down to its core, “just being” is what it’s all about. Women are attracted to men who aren’t afraid of “just being” themselves.”

Yes. Absolutely. I’ve tried to convey this same message throughout my posts, but have never been able to do it in two neat sentences. What is the main point of this comment? It’s about having confidence.

Some other examples:

A commenter on OkCupid who read Part 1 said, “I agree with you, except for the “Someone who doesn’t need a lot of validation from others and has a “I don’t give a fuck” attitude.” Some of us, unfortunately, would probably not have any friends at all if we took that attitude, and we’d be pretty unhappy.”

My response: “In my post, “not giving a fuck” is not the same as “being a dick”. If you’re a nice guy, you can still not give a fuck, but you probably won’t offend many people because deep down, you are a nice person. A nice person, for instance, would know better than to tell someone, “You’re only 30? You look twice your age!” That’s being a dick. Not giving a fuck is like a guy thinking “Hmm, yoga looks like fun. I should take a few classes.” Then he does.

Caring too much about what other people think is more like, “Hmm, yoga looks like fun. But isn’t that something mostly girls do? What if people start making fun of me because I’m doing yoga? What if they think I’m a sissy? Ugh, I better not.” In the first case, the guy is confident enough to just do the yoga classes. He doesn’t give a shit what people think of him. The second guy is so wrapped up in his thoughts about what others think, he’s missing out on doing something he wants to.

From Part 8:

“I start noticing other things about him. Every night before going to bed, he reads a few pages of a book. The book is always a mass-produced paperback by a best-selling author, like John Grisham. I think it’s cute, because here we are in Berkeley, surrounded by crazy-smart grad students, post-docs, and visiting scholars who are at the top in their field, and he’s reading.. John Grisham. It’s so god-damn unpretentious, and this makes me like him even more. He enjoys these books and reads them, who gives a fuck what anyone else thinks.

From Part 7:

“Think of yourself. Think of times when you feel like you’re the absolute shit and nothing can faze you. You’re confident, self-assured and don’t give a fuck what anyone thinks. Let’s say you fancy yourself as an amateur chef. Your friends say, “chili powder in hot chocolate? That sounds gross.” You’re like, “no, it’s actually amazing.” You put chili powder in your hot chocolate, regardless of what anyone else says. Because you’re confident in your abilities. It tastes good to you. Why does it matter what anyone else thinks? Yeah, it doesn’t.

To conclude: Confidence and self-assurance can work wonders in attracting women. Go try it out 😉


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